Victory was mine!

Yesterday was simply gorgeous here.  Truly a gift! We decided to take full advantage of it and make it a family fun day.  We set out on our journey and found ourselves at the bottom of what is called the Elba Fire Tower. It's a really cool little local spot.  Here is a story on the tower..not the best quality, but still gives you an idea. The first 140 some steps have names carved in them with messages.  Here's a story the newspaper did on one of them.  Pretty neat!
  
 I've lived here all my life and never been here.  Mostly because of my insane fear of heights.  But also because I used to smoke and didn't know if I could hack the climb.  Life's to short, and I don't smoke anymore, so why not give it a try?! My husband said, "if you can't go all the way, we'll turn around".  All the while knowing that if I started it, I was going to finish it.

It took me about 85 minutes to go all the way up, take in the view, and all the way back down. All 742 (or so) steps.  The biggest challenge for me was that the steps were not all uniform.  Some were taller than others, some were wider than others, and I had to continue to change how I went up.  Of course my thigh and calf were on fire, and even though it really hurts today, it was still worth every step!

My youngest patiently waiting for me to catch up.  If you look closely you can tell that you can not see the end of the steps.  This was closer to the bottom.

I was greeted with many smiles, compliments and handshakes during a relatively busy day at the tower.  It was nice, but also strange.  It was really personal for me.  Proving to myself I could do things that I didn't think I could do when I had my own 2 legs.

100 feet tall rickety tower...no thanks! But my family was brave enough!

View from the top of the tower. That's the ball field where many games are held.

Elba Church - view from the bottom of the tower

I am definitely crossing this one off the bucket list.  Thank you Lord!

butterfly no more

It's been quite some time since I've posted on either blog and I must say I really miss it.  But with surgery and recoery behind me, I'm putting posting toward the top of the list again! :)

May seems like such a crazy busy month every year.  We celebrated O's fourth birthday this past weekend.  (Very bittersweet for me - she's just growing SO fast!) We hadn't been to Como Zoo for quite some time and it is by far our favorite family past time.  We were very heartbroken to learn that the Butterfly house from the last 3 years is permanately closed.  They had butterflies from all around the world.  So it was a very unique experience to say the least. 

(this one was on the walking path so his wings got a little rough)

You could "purchase" a butterfly and release it into the greenhouse.  It was amazing! My oldest daughter was the only one who was old enough to do it.  And she thought it was amazing! As did I of course!

The wonderful girls at the information desk told us that the exhibit closed because their federal permit (to have the exoctic ones) expired and there was not also not funding available to continue the project. :( But, she told us that the other zoo in the area has a butterfly house this year.  So perhaps there is another zoo trip in our future!!

this is our home

I remember when I first came to Elgin.  If I were a little early for work I'd drive around and look at the town.  It was small, but simple and inviting.  Reminded me of my days as a kid.  I saw a for sale sign in the yard of this gorgeous house.  It was old, but had a big porch, with a swing.  And I could tell by the brick chimney it had a fireplace inside.  Clearly it had been taken well care of.  “That would be perfect, some day” I thought.  It went off the market several months later.

Fast forward to summer 2004.  Jeremiah and I were engaged.  And expecting.  (not perfect order, but obviously I have no regrets!) That same perfect house came back on the market!   We hadn’t talked about where we would live.  In fact , we already had a nice, large 2 bedroom apartment that would work fine to start a family in.  One  day with nothing to do, we drove by and noticed that there was an open house.  We couldn’t help ourselves.  Two rooms in and I knew this really was the perfect house! In fact, we never looked at another house!

In September 2004, we received the keys to that perfect house! We didn’t have much to move in, but it was so exciting.  We spent the entire first night asking each other if this was really ours! The next several months would be spent preparing the nursery, and then later getting everything made for the wedding. 

Now we are quickly approaching our 8^th anniversary here.  We didn’t know it at the time necessarily, but we weren’t buying our first home, we were buying our forever home.  I still marvel at the before and after pictures of the dinning room Miah and I gutted and finished ourselves in a week! Over there is where Emma took her first steps.  That’s the tree I take so many pictures of because it’s just beautiful.  Miah made the inside/outside dog house for Molly and added a kennel because we literally can not get her in the house.  And that’s where my hospital bed was after the amputation.  We still use the ramp the amazing EFD built me, even though I’m not chair bound all day.  Miah replaced that porch floor when the corners finally rotted out.  My lily garden is amazing! Down there is where the house fire started, a horrible seeming fate that turned into one of our best blessings! Olivia learned to ride her first bike down this sidewalk.  And that’s where the neighbors live that have become closer to us than some family! J The girls even call them grandma and grandpa! I remember how my heart sank when I saw the ambulance pull up that day.  That’s the same bedroom I would seak refuge and comfort in on the rare occasion I was allowed home between chemo doses or hospitalizations.  This window is where grandma and I stood and one of the best conversations we’d ever had, right before we found out she had cancer and she quickly went to heaven.  Some people would say 'those are just memories.  Memories can be taken anywhere.' But it's so much more than just memories. This isn't just a house, this is our home.  And yes, home is where your heart is.  Our heart is here.  And always will be.

Some Summer planning with the kiddos!

 We stopped at Saver's tonight to pick up some sheets to use for our growing flower beds.  I've never really had to worry about it before, but since so much is up, I figured I'd better.  Monday's are 25% off at my Savers, but even with that, I still think I'll hit up Goodwill and Garage sales for more. 

No matter how you look at it, Summer is quickly approaching.  With my oldest just turning 7 and no longer purely entertained by being Mommy's helper or running errands, we've decided to do something really fun! She is compiling (with my help) a list of all things we'd like to do this summer.  Small things from plant extra flowers to big things like try new day trips.  Of course I have to monitor, because "running down to Disney World for a quick trip" just isn't quite in the budget this year!  And we want to be realistic! :)

She is really into science lately which is really fun.  She wants to do the messy and fun things, like the classic volcano everyone has seen and/or made.  I was not a science kid myself so I do not know of a lot of other big fun science projects.  I've searched like mad and finally come across a site I love and took a lot of ideas from. Science Bob is a great place to go for things science related for the younger kids.  Its more than just projects, although that's all I read, but check out his site - really great stuff!


Our list also includes other fun ideas we haven't heard much about before.  Like a Life Book.  Similar to a scrapbook, except less pictures and she is in charge.  She can read very well and writes quite clearly also.  So this book is totally compiled by her.  I will give her guided pages and provide her information, like about her birth and trips she's taken so far in her life.  Then she can add her own pages, like collages of things she likes, maybe brief journal entries, pictures she's drawn, etc.  I would like to come up with a standard page that I have her fill out every summer.  Like "Summer of 20XX" and then have her answer 10 questions every summer.  Hopefully by the time she graduates it'll be something really amazing.  I'll take pictures along the way so if you are interested you can play too.

Bed Time starts in 10 minutes! So off I go!

It's not all potato chips and bonbons

To be honest with you, I am not even really sure what bonbons are.  Sure I know they are something you eat, and I'm assuming its something really great. But I've never had one.  I'm ok with that because I have cool ranch Dorittos, a cold mt. dew and a brand new bag of Cadbury mini Eggs - my most favorite holiday candy of all holiday candy.   They are amazing!  So, my waistline has enough temptations without bonbons. :)

I'm slowly recovering.  Slowly.  Its more frustrating then I first thought. I am home.  But I still have the chest tube in.  They attached this goofy looking contraption that is beyond annoying, and even scary at times.  I wont gross you out with the ins and outs of it.  Its quite sore and varies through out the day.  Hence my frustration.  I want to get back to things.  I have 5 scrapbooks waiting for completion on my desk.  I have an order for 100 birthday board coins.  I have 3 new scents just dying to be made into soaps and candles and I can't remember the last time I scrapped in my own books (thank you fire for burning all my photos) not to mention its my favorite time of year and those weeds are begging to be pulled!

If you've read my Caringbridge site, you know our house is in foreclosure.  While I was in the hospital they set a sale date of May 2nd.  I can't help but have a heavy heart.  I feel much fear and panic and anger.  I don't know what else to do to keep my home and I've prayed and prayed and I just don't know what to do! I wish there was an easy answer or even a crystal ball so I could at least know if I can stay in my home or not. But I don't. And so I keep praying.  And I keep waiting patiently for my latest setback to heal.  I guess these really are the days of our lives. ;) ha!

So this is what a nervous breakdown feels like!

Hopefully you've read my caringridge post and you are in the know in my upcoming surgery. 

When it rains it pours.  We know this well.  And usually have our umbrella handy.  But it rains so much, from time to time the umbrella gets weak.  That's this week here.

The cookie sales are ending their season and so the normal chaos of that is occuring.  The icing on the cake is that my darling Emma bean has lost her money envelop and order form.  I have no idea how much still needed to be paid, who still needs cookie, or any of the other info I NEED to have.  I've turned the house upside down and then back again.  We cleaned out the tahoe completely.  I've gone through 5 bags of garbage.  I've gone through every paper in my file cabinet and desk.  I've looked under all furniture and emptied all bags. We even made a trip to school at 5 oclock to clean out her desk.  I've prayed to the Lord and St. Anthony.  I even have other people praying. Maybe if I was just a "normal" mom in a normal life, I wouldn't be freaking out as bad.  But that's not the case.  And I start to have a mini panic attack whenever I start thinking about the stupid envelope.

I am not making the headway on the must-do-before-surgery list I thought I would.

I have to get the taxes done.  But not sure why we haven't received on of our forms yet.  Maybe we did...I honestly don't know at the moment.

The kids are having anticpated anxiety, but still hard to deal with in the midst of all the other chaos.

I'm having some leg issues, which leads me to believe God might have a very sick sense of humor. Just kidding...I dont ever think of things that way.  I just try to remind myself that all of this stuff happens for a reason.

I will try to post as I am able.  But at this point, not really sure how that will go! If it's medical related, it will be on my Caringbridge site.  So check there also! Thanks and love to all!

My latest Prosthetic victory!

Yikes! Already March 5th! I just realized tonight that I posted less than a handful of times in February.  Now that's a little sad.  I guess I focus on my other blog so much and creating the image I want for my some day actual business, that I forget about this one.  And I've honestly been so busy with Girl Scout Cookie Sales, I have little time left for a personal blog. But I've wanted to share something exciting for awhile.  So I made some time! :)

If you are a prosthetic wearer, or you know one, you know that every day is a victory in and of itself.  I did a post awhile back about my leg.    I talked about wanting toe nails that we could paint.  I went to Walmart and bought some regular acrylic toe nails. 

I did it like you would do any other acrylic nail.  I held up the closest size to the "real" nail.  I shaped, filed and sanded those nails like mad! It was a challenge for sure.  The toes are laid almost side ways on the prosthetic foot.  The more I look at it, the weirder I think it looks.  But its better than nothing. 

Yes, this picture probably looks familiar.  I was so excited to put the nails on, I forgot to take a true before picture! :) But, here is the foot I have before I put the nails on it.  It gets really scuffed and dirty (even in my sock and shoe) so I just wash up the foot shell with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and then wipe it down with a Clorox wipe just because that's who I am.

Ta-Da! One foot shell with realish looking toe nails. Hell, lets be honest, these look better than most real toenails! And of course these can be painted.  And with the right remover they can be repainted. 

Some tips I have for anyone else wanting to do this would be: make sure you clip and sand in small increments.  I had to completely reshape the last 3 nails.  The foot shell nail was nothing like the acrylic shape.  So just do this in small steps. I also cut it much shorter.  I made sure there was no way to catch the acrylic on a sock or something and rip the nail off.  Also, the instructions say to only use a few drops of the glue.  I gobbed it on.  I used the included stick to clean off any extra as soon as I pressed the nail down.  I tried to hold them down with my finger and took extra care to try not to let them bend - even slightly.  Because any slight opposite bend created these whitish lines. And if you used the stick to press them down you will get these same white lines.  They are hard to see to the naked eye and you can not really tell looking down when I have the leg one, but of course I know they are there, and so I can really tell :)

I hope this helps someone (if they haven't already done this!) and I will try to remember to update how they do against wear and polish and the like! Here's hoping for some sandal weather soon!

Growth Charts

I love my babies! Who doesn't! Anyone who has babies, knows that they don't last long! I loved the idea of a growth chart.  I originally wanted to do it on the frames of their doors.  But I realized that may not keep forever since we could move or redo the house or yup, a fire.  (Ours would not have ruined the growth charts if I did do them on the trim by their doors, but that's a mute point now)

Of course, it had to be inexpensive. And they are no beauties after seeing some of the other ideas online (more of that later) but it doesn't matter, because they are ours.  So I bought an inexpensive chart from current catalog.  They are listed for 19.99 right now, but I used online coupons and waited for a sale.  I want to say I got them around $6, maybe $10.  I'm sure you can find cheaper ones till but 7 years ago, there wasn't much to pick from.

When I got them, they are just computer printed cardstock.  Which is fine, I didn't have the time to get creative on the computer.  However, the sheet does not start at 0" and go to 60".  I decided to put them on boards to give them stability and hopefully increase their life.  Also, we wanted the child to be able to stand up next to it and accurately give their height, so my husband used scrap wood to make up the difference.  (Did that make sense?) Maybe this will help..

Now the board is accurate.  When the child stands next to it with their feet on the floor, we can mark their actual measurements. 

Of course, I had to make it even better and meaningful.  So now that the girls are old enough to write their names, they write their name next to the line.  I add the date and their age.  This way not only do we watch them grow, we can also see how their handwriting changed over the years.  :)

 Even though there are tons of better ones out there ( just check this pinterest search or you can buy some on etsy - just now, over 2,000 listed on etsy! Wowza!) I know mine will be just as great as any of the others.  It's not about how cute it looks before, its about how amazing it is as you go!



Typed Misunderstandings

I just feel the need to vent a little.  I was going through my daily massive overload of emails.  And I came across one with a subject that read: "your messy house is sickening! (Literally)" I did not open it.  I realize it came from a health company and I'm sure they were merely trying to promote some sort of "healthy" purifier something. 

Even still, as a corporate company, I expect them to monitor their words better.  Technology is a huge plus for my generation.  In fact, I don't know what I'd do without it! I almost never use a phone to talk anymore.  And I rely on the interent as my main point of contact with everyone - even my parents.

But what am I often reminded of is that typed words do not carry enough or correct emotion at times.  Everything can easily be taken out of context and misunderstood.  Unfortunately, it is not easy to recover from another person misunderstanding your email or text.  And sometimes by the time it's realized, it's probably to late to repair the damage anyway.

That being said,  I would still rather spend an hour on the computer typing my messages out to everyone I need to correspond with than 2 or 3 hours on the phone trying to get ahold of everyone.  But next time you feel upset by somethind you read, I encourage you to stop, breathe and consider putting yourself in the other person's shoes.  Are they just doing their job? Are they doing the best they can? Or is there something else going on in their lives that you have no idea about?  Everyone has a burden to carry.  I wish this world would remember that on more of a daily basis.  I sure could use the benefit of the doubt.

My prosthetic leg

I've been meaning to post this for a long time.  But things have been unusually crazy around here lately.  I'm the new cookie mom for the troop of 22 girls.  I was never in Girl Scouts as a girl, and this is her first year too, so I wasn't completely sure what I was getting in to.  Its fun, but its a LOT of work.  Besides that, Miah has had a few appointments this past week; annual check up and a MRI.  Which we wont know the results of for a few days. 

BUT on with the leg post.  I wanted  to show everyone how every day starts for me. First let me break down the components for you.  The part that goes between me and the device is called a sleeve/liner.  I wear an Alps EasyGel Liner.  The part my leg goes into is the socket.  And the socket is connected to the "leg".
 
I also had to have a special piece made for my leg that goes inside the sleeve.  That's called the end cap.  The first thing I do every morning is to wash the sleeve and the end cap very well with softsoap.  Heres what my very old end cap looks like, and yes, I need a new one!

I have the end cap for 2 reasons.  The first reason is because I was getting what is called negative pressure.  This is where the socket creates a milking (like on a cow) sensation on the end of my leg.  That pulls all the blood down to the end and can also cause other problems, like me not being able to use the leg like I should, etc.  The second reason is that I had a nodule at the end of my limb that was created by to much negative pressure.  So now, we are trying to "push" that back in.

You can see the dark area on the side of my leg.  Thats from the negative pressure.  You can also see the redish nodule.  Its MUCH smaller than it was before.  Ok, so after I wash and dry it really well, its time to start donning (putting it on).  I use a potato based natural lotion to roll the sleeve on.

I squeeze some inside the sleeve, roll it around really well and then hold the end cap on my leg while I roll the sleeve up.

Holding the end cap on - see how it "rounds"out my leg - it gives it a better fit in the socket.

getting read to roll the gel liner/sleeve on...its quite the process (at first)

rolling it up...

sleeve is rolled all the way up, ready to go into the socket.

My socket is a suction socket.  It uses suction instead of straps or pins to keep the leg on my body. I use a newer design and the white ring inside is called a bladder. Although I have no idea why.

The "bladder" and the hole at the bottom is for the valve to go in

This is the part that goes next to my groin.  The padded part on the right side is the back.  That's where my leg/body takes the weight.  It uses a bone in the butt they call the sit bone.

The other side of my socket

There are many different combinations of sockets.  I've tried a few, and this is the one I like the best due to the way it fits on my bodyand feels.  It's not the most aesthetically pleasing since it pushes my one butt cheek way up. But after trying the alternative socket (it takes the pressure on a cross bone in your groin practically) I am fine with a funny looking back side.

This is all the way in the socket. (Viewing from the front)  I feel the hole in the bottom to make sure that I have gotten all the way into it.  If I'm not all the way down in the socket, the leg will not work right, and I will have more problems on my limb. I leave my sleeve long and skip trimming it short.  Multiple reasons, but mainly because it allows me to compensate for the sleeve "shrinking" down the road and it also provides a little extra cushion on the sit bone.

Everyone wants to know how the leg works. And it is freaking awesome.  I have an Otto Bock C-Leg with 2 modes.  At the time, this was the newest version they made.  Of course, a few months after I got mine, they came out with a new version that has 3 modes and does some other things.  The modes allow me to change the settings of the knee as it is a computerized knee. (So I could have my regular walking mode and a seperate mode for riding bike) It is extremely fascinating and I encourage everyone to read on it briefly.  Ottobock has also come out with a successor to the C-Leg, its called the genium.  I will have that leg some day.  It is beyond phenomenal.  I can not wait for bionic limbs, and this is a really close product in my opinion.

Back to my leg... I have a few other things to help me. I have an ankle rotator. It allows me to sort of pivot slightly while putting weight through my leg. And I have a knee rotator.  This is the big button on the inside of the leg just above the knee.  By pushing it, it allows the leg to go into free swing, meaning I can move the leg 360 degrees at the knee.  So I can turn the leg backwards at the knee and really freak people out! I can't walk that way obviously though so it's real purpose is to aid in dressing and getting in and out of the vehicle (I drive with my left foot on the regular pedals, so I use the rotator to get my prosthesis out of the way)

You can see the rotator just below the flesh part.  The red ports on the knee are to connect the blue tooth piece to change the setting for my gait and the other is to plug in the charger.

moving the leg using the rotator so I can change and tie my shoes.  You can also see the valve the I put in the socket's hole.

Everyone wants to see the foot.  It looks like a foot, but nothing like my foot.  No, I can't paint the toe nails, but I am going to try attaching acrylics to see if they hold up so I can paint them. I have 2 little girls - toe painting is a must!

I chose not to have a cover made this time.  I have had one in the past, but it got really dirty really easy and even though they did an awesome job with it, it didn't match my sound leg, so I just opted to go with out.  Plus it feels good to show off my C-leg! Not everyone who needs one gets one, so I feel proud.

Both my Legs with the prosthesis on.

Bad picture, but you can see - both legs in jeans, look pretty good to me! But feels even better!

I get tons of questions about the leg and the whole process and I don't mind one bit.  Obviously it was more pain than I could have imagined enduring.  And it took extreme physical strength to learn to walk again and power the leg (it weighs 10 pounds) with a 10" limb, but as hard as all that was, it's more mentally and emotionally toughness.  I deal with the loss of my leg every day, multiple times.  When I want to run and jump and dance and play with my girls without having to think about the leg.  And maybe some day that will be so.  But not today.  Today I have to remember to step with the right foot and to pay attention to how much weight I have over the top of the leg so the knee doesn't go.  There's a lot to be aware of and a lot to learn.  But of course I am thankful God gave me the chance to experience it.  And to be able to share this with all of you!



Without further ado...

So I promised on my other blog (http://benikeboutique.blogspot.com/) that I would post my kitchen soon.  And if I don't do it soon, well, who knows when I will get around to it! Now I realize that if you hadn't seen our kitchen prior to the fire, you won't notice the awesome transformation as much, but I'm sure you'll still be able to appreciate my gorgeous kitchen for what it is! :)

This is taken from standing in our dining room.  There used to be a wall separating the two rooms.  We removed it and replaced it with the breakfast bar just showing on the right side edge of this shot.  The walls are a light blue, because I love the flag.  So Red, White & Blue are the theme.  You can't see it here, but I also finally got that dishwasher installed! YAY! The glass doors at the other end will hopefully some day be home to my grandma's dishes.  She always told me that I could have them as soon as I had a place to store/show them.  And since I'm not the only one who wants them, I thought I would only take part of them, so everyone could enjoy them.  You can also see through the door into our entry way/laundry room.  Unfortunately, its not the prettiest of views here :)

This is just me trying to get the entire room into one shot without switching lenses.  I love love my kitchen.  I talked a lot about the range and microwave which are high end (for me) in this post on the other blog.  The fridge is also quite a feat! I knew I wanted this style, but to find one in black, in this style and that fit the space the cabinet guy allowed was a BIG challenge.  We ended up getting one brought down from the cities!



This is a great picture of the sink, amazing window and that dishwasher I was talking about! In the old kitchen we had cabinets all the way to the ceiling.  They seemed amazing when we bought the house, but I honestly never used them.  Now that I have that space to utilize this way, I wasn't sure what to do with it.  It's quickly filling up with glass pieces that I am collecting unintentionally. But I like it.  Of course, Miah's fire trucks have outgrown the curio cabinet and quickly over taking my kitchen shelves as well!

Another thing I love about my kitchen - TONS of cabinets and counter top space! Which gets used well!

 Finally! I have a pantry! Not my dream pantry by any means, but it is so great to have it, I sure won't complain! Its not that wide, but it is super deep, so it actually stores a lot of food!

I had to include this picture even though it isn't technically part of the kitchen.  It's a hand print Olivia and I made of her hand in December 2011.  It sits on the end of the breakfast bar by the phone.  I see it multiple times every day and I can't help but feel better when I look at it.  Every mother loves her children (I hope) but not every mother has had to go through what I have had to go through to be with her children.  My babies are my world and then some. This little hand reminds me of all the days I missed and how fleeting these little moments are.  You'd think that'd make me sad, and sometimes it does.  But it also makes me feel so much happiness I actually tear up.  Because I know how lucky I am to be here.  Life is more precious than any of us realize. 



weird!

Today was busy for me! Not more than normal, but kinda different than normal.  Miah was on kiddo duty while I went in for another prosthetic appointment.  I was picking up my final socket that was done like SEVERAL weeks ago - oops! I plan on posting several pics down the road of the donning process so you can all see what my leg looks like and how I put it on.  To me, it's second nature, but maybe other's are interested in it??

At any rate, today was also weird.  Some normal weird stuff, some annoying weird stuff and some good weird stuff.  First off - your regular old weird.  I saw a skunk that was dead on the road.  Like fresh road kill.  Not frozen-to-the-road road kill.  That's weird to me because I remember when I was a kid and I watched Bambi, Bambi and Thumper always had to way Flower up when it was Spring because he hybernated.  Did someone forget to tell that skunk on the road? Even more weird, thanks to facebook and a small community, I later found out I know who hit that skunk in January.  :)

Annoying weird could also be called dangerous weird stuff.  I was on 37th ST today and I was coming down the on ramp to get on to Hwy 52.  A semi (sam's club semi heading south!!) was in the lane.  He was not going fast like most cars, but at least the speed limit.  There was no one in the other TWO lanes, but he did not move over.  He instead stayed in the outside lane.  I had to actually move over to the shoulder as my on ramp lane was ending and I had to slow down.  Very annoying, but could've easily turned dangerous.

Another annoying which was actually a little dangerous, just a few miles down the same road, all the lanes quickly lit up with break lights all across.  They weren't stopping and I hadn't heard anything, so I didn't think it was an accident.  It was at an always congested area (the off ramp for second street, which always seems to collide with traffic trying to get on 52 South from Fourteen West (my four key is broke)).  But the problem I soon found out was this little dinky car driving anywhere from forty all the way up to - brace yourself - forty six miles per hour!!!! Come on!! At least the car was in the right lane and not going that slow in the fast lane! 

The last thing - good weird.  I had a great day! I went to Hobby Lobby and only spend 10.68!! Write it down! Seriously, this is a very rare occurence for me.  Next I went to the dollar store where I only spent 30 and change.  Most of that purchase was for craft needs (love getting those at the dollar store) and for some pieces I needed as Emma and I will be making valentines this year for her parties.  Of course the tutorial will be posted on http://benikeboutique.blogspot.com/ :)

Not only was I reveling in my killer deals all the way home, but it is January 26th and it was 37 degrees!!! I had the sun roof open.  And that is not the first day this month I've done that.  I wasn't even wearing my jacket! I love the snow and the changing weather that we have here in this amazing state.  But there is something fun about things like no jackets in January! More good weird! So hopefully your day was filled with as much weird as mine! It makes life so much more fun!

AKA + ice skating = funny stuff!!

Just so you know, when I write "AKA", it stands for Above Knee Amputee - in case you couldn't figure that out!

This was awhile ago, but as usual, I'm lucky I'm even getting to it now! Ha! My 6 year old earned a fun day along  with the rest of her Girl Scout trip.  The leaders decided to have a skating party. How perfect! I'm mildly embarrassed to admit that I have lived in Minnesota my entire life and have never been skating.  I even lived 2 blocks from a rink growing up.  But we could not afford skates, so I would watch from afar in wonderment of how they did that.  I learned something else about the person I've spent the last 8+ years with - he had never been skating either.  And he's lived here a lot long than me - hehe!!   We have both always wanted to go (which we also did not know about  each other) and I had always thought itd be really fun to take the kids too.  So this day was a perfect opportunity for us - plus it was free thanks to the troop! Yay!

I was super nervous, but I decided a long time ago that I would not be one of the people who say "I can't" just because of the leg.  Now obviously there are things I cant do with this particular leg, but that even rarely stops me from at least trying.  So of course skating was no different.  I put the skate on my prosthetic first.  I was ready to throw in the towel at that point as I knew that the height was different than my tennis (which is what the leg is set to so I am able to walk properly) but I had miah lace up the boot anyway.  I stood up on my own and was actually able to do so quite easily.  I took a few steps around just on the rubber flooring.  And that too seemed perfectly safe.   So I cautiously made my way to the ice. 

Miah and Emma were already out there, so I had the four and three year olds.  Who were excited, scared and nervous.  All at varying degrees, all at different times.  We all went out to the ice and it was a disaster.  But a quick one.  Miah grabbed O and N slipped and slid all over - quickly loving every minute of it.  He quickly adjusted and even though couldn't stay on his feet alone (they had PVC "walkers" that would allow the kids to "skate" with out an adult).  O and Miah hung out by the wall for safety :)

With one hand on the wall I put one skate on the ice with one skate still on the rubber.  But that didn't go well as the ice foot quickly took off without the rest of me.  Without giving it much thought, I quickly placed the other foot on the ice, firmly under me.  I was holding onto the wall for dear life, but that is quite a taxing task as there is really nothing to hold on to there!  Both skates started going in opposite directions as I struggled with all my might to get the prosthetic to pull back so  I could lock the knee.  The harder I contracted my thigh muscle to pull back, the farther my sound foot pushed back.  An image of my in a mess on the ice in front of everyone with my legs all in disarray after a near splits gone bad moment  flashed in front of my eyes.  I quickly made my way back to the rubber and called it a day.  :)

I put my tennis back on and went to the ice to do something else I loved - snap amazing pictures of my babies smiling faces.  And I got some great shots of other families there too.  So I cant ice skate just yet (I plan on talking to my prosthetic guy to see if there is an easy fix I can try to make it possible) but I was enjoying the day just as much as the kids because these are the days I fought so hard for.  These are the days that I sacrificed everything for a year of precious time with my babies for.   These are the days all right! God sure is good!  :)

To be totally honest, I'm drawing a blank.  I'm having one of those blocks I guess.  I blame the good episode of Harry's Law.  Although not the first time I've seen the twins passing as one woman gig...there was a similar story line on CSI: Miami (I think) awhile back with triplets posing as one wife too.  But hey, I guess it must be good TV, here I am watching, attempting to post.

OK - a commercial - better hurry! I am quite spoiled lately.  It's somewhere between 8 and 9 PM and I am in my bed, with my laptop watching TV.  I can not explain how rare that is.  But, its not pure bliss.  My prosthetic must've been on just slightly turned a little today because there is a terrible sore on the back side that is causing me some fairly intense irritation/pain. 

Last night I was up WAY to late on facebook.  Like most of you, I have seen the posts and petitions on facebook requesting a bald barbie.  I thought the "home made" baldie I had seen attached to some of the posts was a little frightening.  And I didn't pay much attention after that.  Afterwords I thought, that must be exactly how the kids felt.  Not just my kids, but my daycare kids, and my kids' friends and all the other kids who I caught staring at me without a single hair on my body. 


In a short amount of time the American Cancer Society got wind of this.  I would post their address to the issue here, but it's quite long so I will give you the link. There are SO many comments made in this article by the author that made my blood boil.  As an adult woman with children of my own, who suffers from a pediatric cancer at a young age, I am beyond appalled.  I have so much anger for the person who wrote this.  It is clear to me that they have not personally felt what a cancer diagnosis does to you. 

A very wise woman I know (who is a 20+ year Stage IV breast cancer survivor) said that you are never cured.  You always have a cancer cell or two in your body, that's why your odds of getting cancer again are so much higher than other's. 

~~Ok, I just checked the article to make sure that I wasn't misstating something.  And the ACS has removed the article and replaced it with an apology. You can still read through the several hundred comments to see the gist of the original post. To my recollection there were comments about how making the barbie would not help childhood cancer but rather make it worse.  He (the author) sighted examples such as over awareness in breast  cancer in things like how the general market place is inundated with pink stuff and how awareness has created mass hysteria because there are women who will hear they have pre-cancerous cells and will immediately go in for a double bilateral mastectomy (Both breasts taken completely off) and other such things.  I also felt that weather it was the intent of the author or not, he significantly downplayed childhood cancer by calling it "rare".  Unfortunately there was much more, but I have spent nearly twenty four hours trying to get it out of my mind. 

Thankfully someone at ACS had enough sense to have the article removed.  However, the so called apology does not make me feel any better.  And I seriously doubt I will continue to contribute time or money to the ACS. There are tons of other reputable and honest charities out there fighting for awareness, fundraising for a cure and supporting families in ANY capacity. 

Being a part of something bigger than yourself - We all can do it!

Can I have $25.00? I doubt if I just walked up to you and asked you'd willingly hand it over, you would.  But if after you read this, you don't feel that you could skip buying the next round with your buddies, or put off that new pair of shoes for just a bit longer, than I won't be mad.  But, if you could donate the money (or more) you'd be doing much more than make me happy.

Most of you have probably heard me talk at some point about Nick & Friends Sarcoma Foundation.  I have a page dedicated to them on my website for the shop (just click on their tab at the top).   And I've talked about them on my caringbridge pages from time to time I'm sure.  I also helped raise some funds for them via facebook apps by donating my birthday.  And if you know me, you also know that paying it forward is one of the most important things to me.

Well, folks we are faced with another golden opportunity here. To do what we always say we will - pay it forward. My very favorite charity is in need.  They have lost both computers they use for the foundation.  I don't have to explain how crucial having these computers are to furthering their cause.  They are a small charity that is family run and they give all the money raised to research and helping families with various financial needs.  So, there is no money in the account to replace these two computers.

Nick & Friends did a lot for me when I was in the hospital.  They personally listened to my fears and complaints, and offered a shoulder to cry on, any time. They've connected me to other people with my cancer.  They sent gift cards to Jeremiah for gas and food while I was sick.  Maybe most importantly to me, they have kept, and still keep, my kids in their hearts.  They have sent care packages to the kids and still include them in the Angel Tree and Christmas. 

Andrea and Clyde, along with their boys (they founded the charity) have touched my hearts in more ways than one.  And I personally know the world needs them to continue their work.  That means they need these computers. I would like to raise at least $1,000.  For that to happen, I need forty people to donate at least $25.00.  Now, I am going to be the first one, so I need to find 39 other big-hearted-happy-pay-it-forward people.  Will you be one of them? I hope so. I really do.  Click the link below, its fast & secure.

https://www.justgive.org/nonprofits/donate.jsp?ein=26-4447529&amount=25&isRecurring=true

Is it a conspiracy around here??

Before we put the house back together after the fire we made a few changes that would help aid in my disability. (I think that's the first time I've ever called it that...) We removed doorways, finally added that built in dishwasher, and lastly gave up our entry closet to a new laundry room. 

The more open concept has been better than we expected.  The dishes still fill up in the sink, but at least I don't waste at least a half hour of my very precious time every single day begrudginly washing that sink full.  I simply put them in the dishwasher and 5 minutes later - done! (Sort of...there's always at least four dirty dishes in this house, so they're never all clean.)

The laundry....now that's a totally different story.  I remember when I was younger and single. I changed my clothes a lot.  I mean, you have your laying around the house clothes, your work uniform, your going out with friends outfit...so I had a lot of laundry.  However, I was still able to maintain one wash day.  Then, my now husband entered the picture.  He didn't change his clothes as much, but there was obviously still more to do.  I switched my laundry day to a, whenever-a-load-needs-to-be-done policy. 

Then we started having kids.  Oh my Lord! I recall thinking, how can such teenie tiny clothes, even in multiples, amount to so much more laundry? I adjusted and even almost rather enjoyed it.  In fact, I've never really despised laundry.  But I can easily see how one comes to this mind-set.  

I have done away with one laundry day, and the as-needed system is still partially in effect. Except that it has left me nearly constantly doing laundry.  So here's what happens in our house; I wash a load, and then another and possibly even a third.  But at this point I don't have enough space to keep the clean laundry separate from the still dirty laundry.  Sure the clean clothes are in baskets and the dirty clothes are still on the floor. But I guess somehow the other members of my family still confuse what is clean and what is dirty. 

So then I transfer the clean clothes baskets to my bedroom (its right off the laundry room - intentionally done on my part for convenience... maybe I didn't think that through entirely ;) )  That temporarily fixes the problem.  However as the week goes on and this system continues, I find that eventually I have a small meandering path through my bedroom.  This is not desirable for me. So I give in and devote as much time as needed to finish whatever loads are still dirty, sort, fold and probably even put away each and every single article. 

FINALLY!! It is done! What a relief! I mean, I actually feel better! Like I can breathe easier and I am considering even inviting someone over! I go out to the living room to sit down in the chair to rest and re-live my victory.  Uh-oh...whats that laying on the floor? Emma's socks and Olivia's sweater? Ugh...guess the laundry is never actually done around here either! But I am still smiling! Why? Because first, I am lucky enough to be able to do my own laundry and two, its good job security.

Another Manic Monday ... Better than Mayo Monday!!!

I am not sure why Mondays are so disliked here.  Its really just any other day.  But every Monday comes and I dread getting up, regardless of how much sleep I got.  I start running through the never ending list of things I have to get done.  I begin to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. So I sit down with my lap top in hand ready to start knocking stuff off that list.  Suddenly the website I'm using crashes. 

I head over to facebook to kill some time. Because I have so much 'extra' time. Check the other website which is still down.  Decide I MUST find the remote that has been missing for weeks.  I pull apart all the cushions and all the furniture and dig underneath everything.  Of course I now have a huge mess and still no remote.  I don't want to pick up all this crap because that wasn't on the list when I woke up and that would set me back even farther. 

So I go back to the lap top and leave the stuff for later.  The website is still down.  Back to facebook - which is being to slow for me.  Clearly this is a sign from God that I am supposed to do nothing today! :)  Maybe Mondays aren't so bad after all! I guess we will see!

Lets try this again...

Ok.  So obviously I wasn't really excited about doing the blog before.  Well, that's not entirely true.  It was also that I felt a ridiculous amount of pressure to write something amazing, and every time I tried, I got a huge writer's block.  Well, fast forward about a year or so and I have begun to really fall in love with blogging. 

I have been reading a lot of books about blogging lately (which seems a little weird...books about blogging?? Are there blogs out books too?! ;) ) Anyway, I still feel highly intimidated by the techy side of it, but I realize its an awesome beginning to one of my biggest goals - a published writer.  Not just a published writer, a AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL published writer.  So what better place to start than here?

I would give you a recap of my life in the last year, but that just feels boring.  We had the little house fire which everyone already knows about.  Cancer and MS took a back seat for once.  And trying different leg sockets, appointments and busy kids filled my days.  I feel a little silly, but ever since I nearly died, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and the like are all so much better.  Even if I dont do something really memorable or fun, I love just being here to experience them.  And every day that goes by, especially a day that goes by at home, with my family, is another day that life is good!

My lasagna smells to good to stay here and keep typing! :) Till next time - whenever that may be! ha!