Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day? I think so! :)

Not going to lie people....this is my exact caringbridge entry tonight.  I'm just to tired (and possibly feeling a little lazy - plus I'm missing friends, and I need a daily freiends rerun dose!)

Happy Valentine's Day! The girls are SO excited, going through their treasures of cards and candy and other things I'm sure are destined for the garbage after they have been crushed on accident by a wondering foot walking through the bedroom in the dark.  They are showing me all of their wonderful things like Toy Story 3 pencils, looney toon tattoos, sticker and rings, mini kalidescopes and other "I love this!" things.  I feel like I let them down. Their valentine cards only consisted of a small cardstock sheet folded in half - not even home made.  No stickers, no toys, no candy. There were not any extras for friends on the bus or at recess.  They were the most plain and generic dollar store cards there ever were.

Just when I start to feel the "Woe is me"s creeping in, I remind myself.  I remind myself what a rough last two weeks we had as a family.  All of us girls were sick for nearly an entire week with coughs, high fevers and sore throats = no good sleep.  The next week everyone is cranky due to the lack of sleep the week before and finding it hard to get back into our routines.  I also remind myself that I just came home from having a biopsy done on my breast and I am sore and tired and not feeling myself.

It happened rather fast.  I have been noticing on and off for a few weeks a pain in my left breast.  I wasn't sure what it could have been and didn't think much of it - chalking it up to many different excuses and honestly, I had enough other stuff on my mind I don't think I really noticed how much it bothered me until those other things were lifted.

The pain started to get worse and last longer and also come one quicker.  I quickly realized that I could target it to one specific area of my breast.  I showed Jeremiah what i found and he agreed that my left breast looked larger and he could easily find the larger lump.  It became pretty sore by the end of the week.

We contacted my wonderful oncologist who set up the appointment right away.  I went in last Thursday for an ultrasound.  What the radiologist and technichian found was really interesting. They said that the lump I've been feeling and having pain with is not actually a lump at all. Its an area of very dense breast tissue that he believes is being irritated by the stress of using the crutch. That being said, there is still an actual lump. He said I wouldn't be able to notice or feel this mass.  And its relatively small, around 2 cm. That mass may be contributing to the pain and most likely swelling from the crutch irritation.

Both he and oncology felt confident its most likely a benign mass. But a mammogram was ordered which I had that afternoon (Not the most enjoyable moment in my life, but in hinze sight -its worth it and hardly the horror that I thought it would be). A needle biopsy was also ordered which I had this afternoon.  This was a lot different than what I expected.  It's similar to the leg biopsy I had but in many ways it's a lot different.  There was mild pain involved with the procedure, but I am SO glad its over.  Tonight it is very sore and tender. And will be that way for a few days.  The reults will be back in 24 - 48 hours.   

I took another look at the girls playing on the floor.  Sweet smiles and gleeful laughs fill the room.  I guess our day turned out just fine after all, boob biopsy and all.  Take care everyone, and God Bless!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

SOOOO much to do, so little time to do it!

Is it just me or does it seem like the Christmas season comes faster every year? I remember when Emma was a baby it seemed like it would take forever to come, and this year I have one more weekend left to finish up my shopping and I have really barely started! 

At any rate, I realize I'm lacking a lot in the blog department.  I think it would be much easier if I had my computer set up in my bed.  I always think of good things to share when I am trying to fall asleep or wake up in the middle of the night and try to fall back asleep.  Maybe I should try to keep a notebook and just jot notes?? Just a thought.

The shop has kept me busy.  Very busy.  But a good busy.  The scans are coming up in a few weeks and I will updated my caringbridge page with all that info. 

Having a huge mental block right now and can't think of any of the things I wanted to say! GRRR! I'm going to actually book mark my own blog so I don't have to try to remember how to get here to make entries! :)

Hope you are having a great holiday!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

slowly adjusting

I realize it's been nearly a week since my last entry.  I thought the blog would come natural and be easy, but quite the opposite has been true.  I find the blog entries to be almost daunting.  I realize it doesn't have to be and shouldn't be.  As usual, I have well over thought this.

And in the fact that I am busy.  As is everyone this time of year.  This really is my favorite time of year.  I like winter in Minnesota.  But I find once the holidays are over, like around end of January or February, I start to really dislike Minnesota weather.  I like the snow and snow storms, but it seems that there is never enough snow or the right kind of snow (you know, for like snowmen or snowmobiles)  I usually try to fill the lulls with baking and cleaning.  But wouldn't you know, I haven't even gotten my mixer out yet. 

I guess it's a small sign of my ever changing life.  I can't help but reflect on my life the past year.  It's almost been one year since they took my leg.  I wish I could say that it's better or it's been easy, but that would be a lie. It almost seems like the more I do with the new leg, the more I miss my leg.  What I think I miss the most is the care free mobility.  The not thinking about my leg.  To be able to jump out of my Tahoe and run into drop something off, or to walk across the road quickly for the traffic.  Or dancing with my girls like they want me to.  Or just throwing the to do list away instead of trying to keep track of it as I daily cross things off it.

Don't let the debbie downer attitude fool you.  I am very thankful for my life.  For my leg I do have, and for the advanced prosthetic I use.  And bedsides, without pain, sorrow and loss, we wouldn't know joy and happiness.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hello!

Well, here we go I guess.  So funny how something can start out as an idea in one's head and then in just a matter of time, (and sometimes money) that idea is something physical you can see, feel, touch, smell or hear.  Just so we are all the same page, I don't know what I am doing when it comes to this blog world.  I'm not as techie as I let my husband think I am.  But we'll just keep that between us! :)

I have no intentions for this blog, just something to try to keep everyone up to speed with my silly little mind that goes faster than "a million miles a minute" sometimes it seems.  And honestly, if you have a blog or a journal or anything like it, you know this is mostly for your own benefit rather than that of others.  But if I can do something that I enjoy, that others will also get something out of then, hey, it's a win-win.

Now, sadly, it has taken me much to long to figure out how to get to this point and I have not done any real work.  So I will stop here for now.  Of course you are all invited to check back often...there is never a shortage in what comes across my mind.  It can be entertaining at the very least.