To be totally honest, I'm drawing a blank.  I'm having one of those blocks I guess.  I blame the good episode of Harry's Law.  Although not the first time I've seen the twins passing as one woman gig...there was a similar story line on CSI: Miami (I think) awhile back with triplets posing as one wife too.  But hey, I guess it must be good TV, here I am watching, attempting to post.

OK - a commercial - better hurry! I am quite spoiled lately.  It's somewhere between 8 and 9 PM and I am in my bed, with my laptop watching TV.  I can not explain how rare that is.  But, its not pure bliss.  My prosthetic must've been on just slightly turned a little today because there is a terrible sore on the back side that is causing me some fairly intense irritation/pain. 

Last night I was up WAY to late on facebook.  Like most of you, I have seen the posts and petitions on facebook requesting a bald barbie.  I thought the "home made" baldie I had seen attached to some of the posts was a little frightening.  And I didn't pay much attention after that.  Afterwords I thought, that must be exactly how the kids felt.  Not just my kids, but my daycare kids, and my kids' friends and all the other kids who I caught staring at me without a single hair on my body. 


In a short amount of time the American Cancer Society got wind of this.  I would post their address to the issue here, but it's quite long so I will give you the link. There are SO many comments made in this article by the author that made my blood boil.  As an adult woman with children of my own, who suffers from a pediatric cancer at a young age, I am beyond appalled.  I have so much anger for the person who wrote this.  It is clear to me that they have not personally felt what a cancer diagnosis does to you. 

A very wise woman I know (who is a 20+ year Stage IV breast cancer survivor) said that you are never cured.  You always have a cancer cell or two in your body, that's why your odds of getting cancer again are so much higher than other's. 

~~Ok, I just checked the article to make sure that I wasn't misstating something.  And the ACS has removed the article and replaced it with an apology. You can still read through the several hundred comments to see the gist of the original post. To my recollection there were comments about how making the barbie would not help childhood cancer but rather make it worse.  He (the author) sighted examples such as over awareness in breast  cancer in things like how the general market place is inundated with pink stuff and how awareness has created mass hysteria because there are women who will hear they have pre-cancerous cells and will immediately go in for a double bilateral mastectomy (Both breasts taken completely off) and other such things.  I also felt that weather it was the intent of the author or not, he significantly downplayed childhood cancer by calling it "rare".  Unfortunately there was much more, but I have spent nearly twenty four hours trying to get it out of my mind. 

Thankfully someone at ACS had enough sense to have the article removed.  However, the so called apology does not make me feel any better.  And I seriously doubt I will continue to contribute time or money to the ACS. There are tons of other reputable and honest charities out there fighting for awareness, fundraising for a cure and supporting families in ANY capacity. 

Being a part of something bigger than yourself - We all can do it!

Can I have $25.00? I doubt if I just walked up to you and asked you'd willingly hand it over, you would.  But if after you read this, you don't feel that you could skip buying the next round with your buddies, or put off that new pair of shoes for just a bit longer, than I won't be mad.  But, if you could donate the money (or more) you'd be doing much more than make me happy.

Most of you have probably heard me talk at some point about Nick & Friends Sarcoma Foundation.  I have a page dedicated to them on my website for the shop (just click on their tab at the top).   And I've talked about them on my caringbridge pages from time to time I'm sure.  I also helped raise some funds for them via facebook apps by donating my birthday.  And if you know me, you also know that paying it forward is one of the most important things to me.

Well, folks we are faced with another golden opportunity here. To do what we always say we will - pay it forward. My very favorite charity is in need.  They have lost both computers they use for the foundation.  I don't have to explain how crucial having these computers are to furthering their cause.  They are a small charity that is family run and they give all the money raised to research and helping families with various financial needs.  So, there is no money in the account to replace these two computers.

Nick & Friends did a lot for me when I was in the hospital.  They personally listened to my fears and complaints, and offered a shoulder to cry on, any time. They've connected me to other people with my cancer.  They sent gift cards to Jeremiah for gas and food while I was sick.  Maybe most importantly to me, they have kept, and still keep, my kids in their hearts.  They have sent care packages to the kids and still include them in the Angel Tree and Christmas. 

Andrea and Clyde, along with their boys (they founded the charity) have touched my hearts in more ways than one.  And I personally know the world needs them to continue their work.  That means they need these computers. I would like to raise at least $1,000.  For that to happen, I need forty people to donate at least $25.00.  Now, I am going to be the first one, so I need to find 39 other big-hearted-happy-pay-it-forward people.  Will you be one of them? I hope so. I really do.  Click the link below, its fast & secure.

https://www.justgive.org/nonprofits/donate.jsp?ein=26-4447529&amount=25&isRecurring=true

Is it a conspiracy around here??

Before we put the house back together after the fire we made a few changes that would help aid in my disability. (I think that's the first time I've ever called it that...) We removed doorways, finally added that built in dishwasher, and lastly gave up our entry closet to a new laundry room. 

The more open concept has been better than we expected.  The dishes still fill up in the sink, but at least I don't waste at least a half hour of my very precious time every single day begrudginly washing that sink full.  I simply put them in the dishwasher and 5 minutes later - done! (Sort of...there's always at least four dirty dishes in this house, so they're never all clean.)

The laundry....now that's a totally different story.  I remember when I was younger and single. I changed my clothes a lot.  I mean, you have your laying around the house clothes, your work uniform, your going out with friends outfit...so I had a lot of laundry.  However, I was still able to maintain one wash day.  Then, my now husband entered the picture.  He didn't change his clothes as much, but there was obviously still more to do.  I switched my laundry day to a, whenever-a-load-needs-to-be-done policy. 

Then we started having kids.  Oh my Lord! I recall thinking, how can such teenie tiny clothes, even in multiples, amount to so much more laundry? I adjusted and even almost rather enjoyed it.  In fact, I've never really despised laundry.  But I can easily see how one comes to this mind-set.  

I have done away with one laundry day, and the as-needed system is still partially in effect. Except that it has left me nearly constantly doing laundry.  So here's what happens in our house; I wash a load, and then another and possibly even a third.  But at this point I don't have enough space to keep the clean laundry separate from the still dirty laundry.  Sure the clean clothes are in baskets and the dirty clothes are still on the floor. But I guess somehow the other members of my family still confuse what is clean and what is dirty. 

So then I transfer the clean clothes baskets to my bedroom (its right off the laundry room - intentionally done on my part for convenience... maybe I didn't think that through entirely ;) )  That temporarily fixes the problem.  However as the week goes on and this system continues, I find that eventually I have a small meandering path through my bedroom.  This is not desirable for me. So I give in and devote as much time as needed to finish whatever loads are still dirty, sort, fold and probably even put away each and every single article. 

FINALLY!! It is done! What a relief! I mean, I actually feel better! Like I can breathe easier and I am considering even inviting someone over! I go out to the living room to sit down in the chair to rest and re-live my victory.  Uh-oh...whats that laying on the floor? Emma's socks and Olivia's sweater? Ugh...guess the laundry is never actually done around here either! But I am still smiling! Why? Because first, I am lucky enough to be able to do my own laundry and two, its good job security.

Another Manic Monday ... Better than Mayo Monday!!!

I am not sure why Mondays are so disliked here.  Its really just any other day.  But every Monday comes and I dread getting up, regardless of how much sleep I got.  I start running through the never ending list of things I have to get done.  I begin to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. So I sit down with my lap top in hand ready to start knocking stuff off that list.  Suddenly the website I'm using crashes. 

I head over to facebook to kill some time. Because I have so much 'extra' time. Check the other website which is still down.  Decide I MUST find the remote that has been missing for weeks.  I pull apart all the cushions and all the furniture and dig underneath everything.  Of course I now have a huge mess and still no remote.  I don't want to pick up all this crap because that wasn't on the list when I woke up and that would set me back even farther. 

So I go back to the lap top and leave the stuff for later.  The website is still down.  Back to facebook - which is being to slow for me.  Clearly this is a sign from God that I am supposed to do nothing today! :)  Maybe Mondays aren't so bad after all! I guess we will see!

Lets try this again...

Ok.  So obviously I wasn't really excited about doing the blog before.  Well, that's not entirely true.  It was also that I felt a ridiculous amount of pressure to write something amazing, and every time I tried, I got a huge writer's block.  Well, fast forward about a year or so and I have begun to really fall in love with blogging. 

I have been reading a lot of books about blogging lately (which seems a little weird...books about blogging?? Are there blogs out books too?! ;) ) Anyway, I still feel highly intimidated by the techy side of it, but I realize its an awesome beginning to one of my biggest goals - a published writer.  Not just a published writer, a AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL published writer.  So what better place to start than here?

I would give you a recap of my life in the last year, but that just feels boring.  We had the little house fire which everyone already knows about.  Cancer and MS took a back seat for once.  And trying different leg sockets, appointments and busy kids filled my days.  I feel a little silly, but ever since I nearly died, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and the like are all so much better.  Even if I dont do something really memorable or fun, I love just being here to experience them.  And every day that goes by, especially a day that goes by at home, with my family, is another day that life is good!

My lasagna smells to good to stay here and keep typing! :) Till next time - whenever that may be! ha!

Happy Valentine's Day? I think so! :)

Not going to lie people....this is my exact caringbridge entry tonight.  I'm just to tired (and possibly feeling a little lazy - plus I'm missing friends, and I need a daily freiends rerun dose!)

Happy Valentine's Day! The girls are SO excited, going through their treasures of cards and candy and other things I'm sure are destined for the garbage after they have been crushed on accident by a wondering foot walking through the bedroom in the dark.  They are showing me all of their wonderful things like Toy Story 3 pencils, looney toon tattoos, sticker and rings, mini kalidescopes and other "I love this!" things.  I feel like I let them down. Their valentine cards only consisted of a small cardstock sheet folded in half - not even home made.  No stickers, no toys, no candy. There were not any extras for friends on the bus or at recess.  They were the most plain and generic dollar store cards there ever were.

Just when I start to feel the "Woe is me"s creeping in, I remind myself.  I remind myself what a rough last two weeks we had as a family.  All of us girls were sick for nearly an entire week with coughs, high fevers and sore throats = no good sleep.  The next week everyone is cranky due to the lack of sleep the week before and finding it hard to get back into our routines.  I also remind myself that I just came home from having a biopsy done on my breast and I am sore and tired and not feeling myself.

It happened rather fast.  I have been noticing on and off for a few weeks a pain in my left breast.  I wasn't sure what it could have been and didn't think much of it - chalking it up to many different excuses and honestly, I had enough other stuff on my mind I don't think I really noticed how much it bothered me until those other things were lifted.

The pain started to get worse and last longer and also come one quicker.  I quickly realized that I could target it to one specific area of my breast.  I showed Jeremiah what i found and he agreed that my left breast looked larger and he could easily find the larger lump.  It became pretty sore by the end of the week.

We contacted my wonderful oncologist who set up the appointment right away.  I went in last Thursday for an ultrasound.  What the radiologist and technichian found was really interesting. They said that the lump I've been feeling and having pain with is not actually a lump at all. Its an area of very dense breast tissue that he believes is being irritated by the stress of using the crutch. That being said, there is still an actual lump. He said I wouldn't be able to notice or feel this mass.  And its relatively small, around 2 cm. That mass may be contributing to the pain and most likely swelling from the crutch irritation.

Both he and oncology felt confident its most likely a benign mass. But a mammogram was ordered which I had that afternoon (Not the most enjoyable moment in my life, but in hinze sight -its worth it and hardly the horror that I thought it would be). A needle biopsy was also ordered which I had this afternoon.  This was a lot different than what I expected.  It's similar to the leg biopsy I had but in many ways it's a lot different.  There was mild pain involved with the procedure, but I am SO glad its over.  Tonight it is very sore and tender. And will be that way for a few days.  The reults will be back in 24 - 48 hours.   

I took another look at the girls playing on the floor.  Sweet smiles and gleeful laughs fill the room.  I guess our day turned out just fine after all, boob biopsy and all.  Take care everyone, and God Bless!

SOOOO much to do, so little time to do it!

Is it just me or does it seem like the Christmas season comes faster every year? I remember when Emma was a baby it seemed like it would take forever to come, and this year I have one more weekend left to finish up my shopping and I have really barely started! 

At any rate, I realize I'm lacking a lot in the blog department.  I think it would be much easier if I had my computer set up in my bed.  I always think of good things to share when I am trying to fall asleep or wake up in the middle of the night and try to fall back asleep.  Maybe I should try to keep a notebook and just jot notes?? Just a thought.

The shop has kept me busy.  Very busy.  But a good busy.  The scans are coming up in a few weeks and I will updated my caringbridge page with all that info. 

Having a huge mental block right now and can't think of any of the things I wanted to say! GRRR! I'm going to actually book mark my own blog so I don't have to try to remember how to get here to make entries! :)

Hope you are having a great holiday!!